But I’m No Expert


Merry Christmas! Here’s how to kill yourself…
December 25, 2006, 2:42 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

So, first – Merry Christmas. And as a little present to you this year, I thought I’d show you how to properly kill yourself. Ya know, because you’re going to want to after trying on your new pink bunny suit!

No seriously. You gotta check out energyfiend.com. It shows you how much caffiene you need to drink in order kill yourself. See, I wasn’t kidding that I’d show you how to kill yourself! Here are my results from just a sampling of available poisons drinks:

Iced Tea (my first choice, served sweet only, thank you): 297.69 cups

Chocolate Milk (and since I’m allergic to milk anyway, this would be a much lower number) : 2798.25 glasses

Coca-Cola Classic (best consumed at a restaurant – from the tap – over ice): 411.51 cans

Regular Brewed Coffee: 130.15 cups

Dr. Pepper (my first choice of sodas): 341.25 cans

Hot Cocoa (only when it’s cold, of course!): 2798.25 cups – hmmm…same as chocolate milk…

Mello Yello (the better Coke-made version of Mountain Dew): 274.34 cans

Mountain Dew (just for comparison): 254.39 cans

Mountain Dew Code Red (I used to drink this): 259.10 cans

Starbucks Double Shot (supposedly the worst of the bunch): 107.63 cans

Starbucks Grande Cafe Mocha (the only to drink coffee…other than Mocha Frappaccino…): 120.61 cup

Sun Drop (the better version of Mello Yello & Mountain Dew): 222.08 cans

Brewed Tea (the way my wife likes it): 297.69 cups

Water Joe (I tried this once…repeat…once…evil stuff): 233.19 bottles

So there you go. That’s just a few things, I didn’t check the drinks that I’ve never tried anyway. I’ve had Red Bull, but it was nasty enough to where I’d rather kill myself slowly with Sweet Tea than drink that junk anyway. Since its Christmas and I’ll be in LA for the week, I’ll go ahead and bet that you’ll have a Happy New Year…but I’m no expert!

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